After my blog post about my struggles with weight, I heard from so many of you who share the same struggle. From Michigan to Florida – to a friend from my church- I’ve talked with ladies throughout the week who are walking the same tough road I am.
As I’ve emailed or talked with these ladies, it’s become clear I need to clarify a few things about my journey.
I didn’t just wake up one day, walk/jog 13 miles, and buy smaller size jeans. In fact, I just didn’t surrender to God out of the blue one day. I am too stubborn for it to be that easy. Really, nothing in life is that easy.
I think my journey can best be explained using a plant’s life. Seeds had been planted in my heart. Each struggle or triumph in my weight loss journey – including my first reading of Made to Crave – was a seed. Small roots were taking hold, but nothing ever pushed through the surface. I knew I needed to change, but I was doing nothing toward it.
God planted the first seed about nine months ago when I went through a stressful period that caused some weight loss. I wasn’t trying to lose weight; I was just so upset all the time that I ate very little. That season was a seed. It made me think, “Am I making excuses? Can I really lose weight? Do I eat more that I admit?”
Then, I was asked to fulfill a ministry need at my church. I said no because I lacked self-confidence in that area due to my weight even though I had lots of experience. When asked again a month or so later, I said yes because I felt God was clearly telling me to do it. Deep down, I’d never been more excited. This was an area of ministry that I missed so so much since moving and changing churches. A week later I was unasked. I assumed it was my weight. I overheard a conversation and got some second hand info, which added to my belief that the “unask” was directly related to my weight. Even if it wasn’t, it was a seed – one I needed as it caused me to consider God might have plans for me that couldn’t be fulfilled if I continued to ignore this stronghold in my life.
In the midst of these two events, there were some other highs and lows. But, a few blows to my character where tough to take and process. My self-confidence, which had always been so strong, was being broken down. Still, I am so thankful for each blow. These trials were seeds- trials that eventually led me to purchase Made to Crave in May.
Summer was coming, and I wanted to lose weight. But, I’d given up, convincing myself that my pituitary tumor was to blame for my inability to lose weight. Yet, I couldn’t help but think that if the God of the Universe was truly interested in my weight he could overcome a tumor.
I read the book. I tried to apply it. I failed. But, it was a seed.
I knew the truth; I was just choosing to ignore it. As one woman wrote to me this week, “I was afraid that it would work…and I wasn’t ready to give up my food and lifestyle.” I wasn’t either. It was clearly disobedience to God on my part.
As I said in my previous post, a meeting in late June in which we were asked to fast and pray was the game changer for me; I decided at that moment to change. Finally, the roots were growing…the seedling pushing through the soil.
Please note…before that meeting in June, God had planted at least six months of seeds. He’d been slowly but surely tilling, planting, and watering seeds in my heart…poking, prodding, and speaking to me about this issue through stress, disappointment, false accusations, and more.
Still, the pivotal step was rereading Made to Crave and staying plugged in to my church, care group, and friends.
On days that I struggle – which is most days- I cling to God’s word and pray, pray, pray.
The Scripture that’s sticking with me this week is Psalm 103, which begins (1-6): Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed.
I never want to forget all he’s forgiven – all my iniquities and disobedience. He’s redeemed my life from a pit and continues to pour love and mercy on me – even when I mess up.
I encourage you to read all of Psalm 103. I am committing it to memory, so it gently reminds me when I am tempted, ungrateful, or doubtful.
As many of you begin – or continue – your Made to Crave walk, I pray you aren’t discouraged if it doesn’t click immediately. If you feel resistant or fearful, don’t give up. Keep asking God for seeds. I promise with prayer and time in His word, those seeds will take root and begin to change you from the inside out. After a time below the surface, those seeds will begin to push through the soil – that’s where I am now. And, I am praying that in the next few weeks I can brush off the dirt and begin to grow more and more in Him.
God bless you:)
NOTE: I have begun a list of those who have asked to take this journey with me. I am working to (hopefully) create an online group with real time chatting, so we can journey together. If you’d like to join us, please leave a comment or email firstname.lastname@example.org.