Leigh Anne Hudson: Too Far Gone? {Story 6 of 30}

Long before the pimp’s initials were permanently carved into my skin, I believed I was worth nothing. Zero. Natta.

I’d spent years being sexualized by older men. It started with my coach. I was 14 years old.

I thought he was a good Christian father-figure. I felt safe with him. I trusted him. And he took advantage of me. Over and over again.

But this was only the beginning…

At 16, random men showed up at my doorstep and I knew I was supposed to have sex with them. It didn’t take long for word to spread in Small Town USA that I was easy.

I had no value for my body. No moral compass either. I believed the lie that I was damaged goods.

And I lived that lie every day of my life. All of my choices were based on that one lie.

When you don’t think you’re worth much you tend to settle for even less. If a stranger complimented me, I thought I owed them.

And guess what I had to offer?

My body.

I felt dirty. Used. Unlovable. Broken. Hopeless. Worthless.

I spiraled further into a pit of promiscuity, alcohol, drugs, bulimia and eventually same-sex relationships.

Dark. Empty. Nothingness.

I knew I was too dirty, too broken, too far gone to be of value to anyone. Let alone be presentable to a Holy God.

So I hid. Behind a fake smile. Behind a master’s degree. Behind shallow friendships.

Thankfully the story didn’t end there.

Fast forward.

I’m on my kitchen floor. Crying. Planning my suicide. Desperate to be done with all the pain. I’d tried everything I could think of to escape the brokenness. Everything but God, that is.

In my spirit I heard him say, Go Get My Word.

I did.

I randomly opened to 1 Corinthians 6:18 and read these words: Flee Sexual Immorality. I screamed. Wailed.  Blood curdling cries.

I knew what it meant. Knew what God was calling me to do.

God met me in my darkest hour. When I felt most alone he reminded me he was my Abba father. When I felt so ashamed of what I’d done he told me he’d washed me whiter than snow.

And God is faithful.

God showed me he not only accepted me, but he sent his only son, Jesus to take on my guilt and shame so that I could walk free. This Jesus who knew no sin. Became sin. For me. So that I might become the righteousness of Christ.

It sounded too good to be true. But I was desperate. A shred of hope emerged. I clung to it like a trapeze artist clings to that swinging bar with all her might.

I packed up my crazy life and moved back in with my parents. Humbling at 35 years old.

As I walked away from everything familiar, I held tight to that scripture. And the God who wrote it.

In an instant I went from an “orphan” to a daughter of The King. From a “pauper” to a Princess.

In Revelation 2:17, God promises I will give you a new name. And just like that, this former stripper, prostitute, drug addict, alcoholic, bulimic, low-life became God’s beloved.

The outcast now accepted. The abandoned now adopted. The rejected now received.

My entire life I thought I was too far gone. And God reminded me he’d been pursuing me the whole time.

How about you? Do you think you’ve done too many bad things to be accepted by God?

Do you believe you are too far gone?

————————————————————————————————————————–

Leigh Anne Hudson is a proud Arkansan married to her best friend, Jim. She works full-time as a Christian counselor helping other hurting, broken people find healing and hope in Jesus Christ. Leigh is also a writer and she blogs at http://www.whiterthansnow.org

She is currently working on her first non-fiction book.

————————————————————————————————————————–

I met Leigh Anne through the Kingdom Journeys book launch team.  While that book launch is done, we now find ourselves on another launch team together.  Through both, we’ve chatted via Facebook and email. I am thankful God connects with me people like Leigh Anne who grow my faith by being a living examples that nothing is impossible with God.  He loves us all.

Thanks for sharing, Leigh Anne!

Comments

  1. Redemption… complete and beautiful. I love your story.

  2. AnnMarie Dixon says:

    Beauty for ashes. Restoration for all that the locust and the cankerworms have eaten. Only God. There are so many young ladies who needs to see this story and know the love of a wonderful, incredible and awesome God who does not condemns anyone but meets he/she in the darkest moments. Thanks for sharing Leigh Anne/

  3. Beautiful story! Thank you for sharing.

  4. Leigh Ann, I am so very proud of you. What a wonderful testimony. Only those of us who know for certain we have been given a gift of grace we didn’t earn or deserve understand the sweetness of that gift. I love your heart, girl. Thank you for sharing this with us. Thank you for being a part of my book launch team. Thank you for reaching others for Him. I hope we get to meet next time;-)

    • Kim, Thank you for your encouragement. I love how God’s grace just spills over the sides of our lives into one another. Thank you for being willing to share your journey…I’m looking forward to meeting you in person one day!

  5. Thank you for sharing your story.
    It is so important to share…so others may be healed.

  6. Thank you for sharing.

  7. Beautiful Leigh Anne. And such a reminder when my heart is burdened for our nation that God is bigger than anything. He is our Abba to those who call on Him and follow Him.

  8. Leigh Anne, thank you for your transparency and sharing your story. Sharing causes healing not only for you, but for those who are desperately seeking hope.

  9. Compelling story with a happy prognosis – heaven! Can you tell us what your book will be about? I so related to your comments about hiding – I just released a book on the subject. Blessings on you as you put everything into words so others can be blessed.

  10. Beautiful, beautiful story of God’s redeeming grace. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing this.

  11. This series is so refreshing, like a fresh breeze blowing in the window. We can’t go back and rewrite history, but we can start today and write a new ending.

  12. Leigh, I honor every word you have written here because there is so much more behind it. I am angry at the coach, the men who showed up at your door. I am grateful to a God whose spirit was so gentle and gracious to you. Thank you, dear sister.

  13. I love Leigh! I love her story. Every time I read it it reminds me of how awesome our God is. He meets when we are crying buckets and leads us to freedom. That’s a true Hero! Thanks Leigh for sharing your story so that we can see more of God through you!!!

  14. Oh Leigh Anne, your pain is real and raw but so is your victory. I am amazed every day how God conquers our darkness.

  15. Wow. I have no words. My heart is overflowing with praises for your blessed life, dear one. Thank you, Lord.

  16. Wow… I never even knew sis… but wow… what a story of redemption. I’m glad you are writing a book sis. Thank you for your heart and courage.

Leave a Reply to Stephanie Hover Cancel reply