Reminded of His Faithfulness In Honduras {When My Life is Upside Down}

My little boy is sleeping soundly, but my sweet daughter wakes up to say goodbye with a tight hug and an I love you.  I zip my suitcases and drag them to the van.

I glance down and see this text from my friend…are you ok?

Yep, I am ok.  Just sad.

I have no idea if flying to Honduras is the “right” choice.  My life is upside down.

I have endured the same heartache four times, and I’m simply not willing to endure it again.  I’ve messed up plenty too.  But, ruminating on my failures or the shortcomings of others seems pointless right now.

So, I pray…Lord, do I go?  Stay home? 

My friend tells me again…if you can’t do this, it’s ok.  I am ok with whatever you and God decide.

I have asked each of my kids…should mom go?  I have asked my sister and friends too.

I have prayed and prayed.  And, I have listened.  To Him and to those around me.

Deep in my heart I have been hearing and continue to hear…GO.

Friday afternoon I landed in Honduras, feeling as if it was the biggest step of faith that I’ve taken in a long time. I know that I am empty.  I know I have nothing left to give anyone.  And, I hate it.  I hate that I am not ready and willing and excited to share my Jesus with everyone I meet.  I hate that I am not the girl with a soft heart who sees Jesus everywhere.  I hate that I’ve let another human being alter who I am.

So my prayer as I landed in the country that I LOVE so much was simply this…Lord, be strong where I am weak.  I am empty and angry and hopeless.  I can do nothing apart from you.  I am asking you to show me you’re here; show me that I am supposed to be here.

Friday I spent the afternoon with some sweet Honduran boys. One of them prayed over our meal at KFC, thanking God for the food, the hands that prepared it, the generosity of those who help him and his brothers, and the opportunity to be educated.  It was the most humble, beautiful prayer that I have heard in many years. The earnest cry from a heart that is genuinely thankful for God’s provision.

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As we have explored Honduras over the past few days, my heart has taken note of two things:  Poverty and perspective. Poverty abounds. It’s everywhere.  People that I just want to jump out of the truck and hug.  But, I can see that their perspective is so different from my current “poor me” perspective.  As we sat in traffic, I saw a group gathering, cooking, and laughing.  A momma hugging her child.  A older lady rotating corn over an open flame.  Yes, there’s hardship and hurt and brokenness.  It’s throughout the world.

But, I see joy too…

We visited a deaf school yesterday, and I listened to a mom (through an interpreter) tell us that she is thankful for her daughter’s deafness.  And her little girl signed to us, telling us that thanks to the New Life Deaf School she can be anything she wants to be when she grows up – and she’s thankful to Jesus for all He’s provided.

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I am not a young gal who’s never heard a sound living in a third-world country. I am not a mother struggling to feed my children.  I am not a little boy who wants more than anything to be safe and educated.

I am hurt and scared, but I can feed my children and have many who will if I ever can’t.  I have been educated beyond most, and I live a safe life. (Which has me asking myself…Sarah, what is your problem?)

Most of all, I am His.  Just like the little gal who can’t hear.  The mom and her child.  The little boy.  We are ALL His children, and He loves each of us immeasurably.

Being in this country is humbling.  It’s a continual kick in my butt, reminding me to stop feeling like a victim – stop feeling sorry for myself – and to lean heavily into the One who made me for His glory.

My life is changing quickly and uncontrollably.  My future looks difficult – even impossible. But, God has used these few days in Honduras to remind me again and again that He is the Lord Almighty.

He was, and is, and is to come.

“I am the Alpha and the Omega—the beginning and the end,”says the Lord God. “I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come—the Almighty One.” Revelation 1:8

Comments

  1. I love you to pieces, girl. So thankful to know you as my sister and to pray for you and your future. God has you there for a purpose. Stay rescued.

    • So thankful for you, friend. Whew! You are the real deal – living Him out daily. I am blessed to know you and call you friend 🙂

  2. I love you, friend! Man, I wish I was there with you guys right now (someday!). I’m praying for your hurting heart, and I’m excited to see what God has planned for your future. Honored to be a part of whatever it is. You can do this. I know it. xoxoxo

  3. Your “realness” and “heart-rawness” is attractive in a world which prides itself on covering and self-protecting. God has been teaching me that I can keep proper perspective as I drag my neediness to the hands of my Sweet Redeemer. In His Hands, my neediness is transformed into a powerful conduit through which I can lay hold of Christ’s strength and healing. In the words of Sarah Young…”This is how you foil the works of the evil one, by growing in grace through the very adversity that was meant to harm you…this [is the] divine reversal.” -Because Eternity Matters!

    • Oh, Miss Valerie. Yesterday Miranda gave me two hugs – one from her and one from YOU! I was also elated to hear you’d be picking her up on Sunday -I cant wait to see you even if for a few minutes. I LOVE a few parts of your comment…”Drag my neediness to the hands of my Sweet Redeemer” – for me, it is dragging. I bring my neediness reluctantly. But I am thankful for prayer warriors like you who push me on. I can lay hold of His strength and healing – what a comfort! Much love and thanks, Sarah

  4. Cyndi Pyles says:

    Thank you, Sarah! I so appreciate your honesty, your willingness to make yourself vulnerable so that His Spirit might speak through you…
    So often I get caught up in my own day-to-day self-centeredness, and I forget to notice the red leaf that God just watched falling to the ground outside my window. He is not self-centered (consider the lilies of the field…). I’m praying for you and your loved ones while you are away.

    • Cyndi…You’d love the book 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It’s exactly what you’ve written – noticing and being thankful. Thanks so much for every prayer! Love you:)

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