What We Know is True {Trusting Him Through Divorce}

How Great is Our God…I can hear his little voice singing along with mine.  He didn’t expect to find himself in a little church for Sunday evening service, but he’s come along willingly.

He sits quietly, taking it all in.  Strangers shaking his hand and rubbing his head.  What I promised would be one hour has turned into one and half, but he lays his head on my arm and rests – listening intently and waiting patiently.

We end with these lyrics…He loves us – Oh, how He loves us…transitioning to He loves me – Oh, how He loves me.

how he loves

Tears pool in my eyes as I listen to my son lift his voice in song.  More than anything, I want him to know that God loves him because God’s love is all we truly have in life – especially in those seasons in which our need for and dependence on Him is magnified through suffering or heartache.

This is one of those seasons for me – and for my children.

I am about to become a single mom, and my son got a taste of that last night when he had to come along with me instead of staying home as he normally would.  I felt guilty for making him leave his friend’s house and hop in the car  – in the middle of a storm – to come with me to what I thought would be boring for him.

Turns out the sweet little church tucked into the West Virginia mountains was not boring.  And I had totally underestimated my son and my God. Owen sang songs, asked questions about the Honduras presentation, and yes, played on his phone a few times.  But we were both glad he went and so was a small congregation of about 25 whose members told Owen he was welcome to come visit anytime.

And I wonder…

In this season of struggle as I sit and await divorce papers to be served to me today, why do I underestimate my Creator?  If I believe He loves me and my children, why am I so scared?  Why do I fear what my kiddos will become because they’re from a ‘broken’ home?

Why can’t I simply trust my children in the hands of the One I worship? 

Yes, I have read the statistics about children of divorce, and it’s certainly not what God ever intended.  EVER.   In fact, His Word says…

15 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his.And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. 16 “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife. Malachi 2: 15-17

I know every passage in the Bible relating to marriage and divorce – almost by heart.  And, I know how God views divorce, but all I can do  – all my kiddos can do – is hold on to our Creator, knowing He loves us.

Holding on to anything else only causes more disappointment and heartache.  Listening to the world only creates more fear and anxiety.

Instead, we will cling to what we know is true…who we know is true…the One who will never leave us or forsake us.

We have been and will continue to pray about everything, asking God for our needs and thanking Him for all he has done and is doing.  Praying for peace and fixing our thoughts on all that is excellent and praiseworthy – because there is something excellent and praiseworthy in every, single day regardless of our icky circumstances.

I pray that regardless of what you’re walking in, through, or out of today, you’ll join me in praying, believing, and living out these verses…

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4: 8-9

I overheard my friend talking about these verses to Owen over the weekend as he worries about where he’ll go to school and where he’ll live.  Then they were part of my Jesus Calling devotional this morning, and I knew…this is where I shall rest.  For me.  For them.  For Him.

May the God of peace be with you.

Comments

  1. Michelle Wilson says:

    Your children are blessed to call YOU their Mother. Love you sweet Sarah…and praying. The best thing is that you know you are never alone….our Heavenly Father is beside you.

  2. kim haught says:

    Sarah it has been 5 years since my.marriage of 32 years ended due to his infidelity. If I can make it through this time I know you can for your faith is so much stronger than mine. Love you sweet girl.

    • Thanks, Kim. I find we have no other choice as mommas but to “make it” – I am just thankful for a God who promises to walk beside me every step of the way.

  3. I love you so much. Those beautiful babies of yours are going to be so, so fine. Will it be hard? Will there be pain? Yes and yes. But you will grow through it, they will grow through it, and in the whole grand scheme of life, everything is going to be beautiful. I know it in the depths of my heart. Did I mention I love you so much?

    • I love you so much, faithful friend. I am clinging to “in the whole grand scheme of life, everything is going to be beautiful.” I truly believe in redemption and restoration for ALL involved. It may take years…but I am believing. Thanks for your love and support…always.

  4. Thanks for sharing. Divorce is an ugly word and a hard thing to go through. But as you know you are not alone and you have your heart and head in the right place. If you ever need to talk please call. Praying for peace way beyond your understanding!

    • Thanks so much, Miss Peggy for your offer. I may indeed take you up on that. My parents were married until my dad’s death. I have no frame of reference for divorce or how it works or any of that. Thanks for each prayer – truly.

  5. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking this must be. It’s a good thing our God is stronger than the statistics.

    • And that’s what I am holding on to, Amy. God is stronger than any statistics. He is the God the improbable and the impossible. FOR SURE! Thanks for your kind words:)

  6. Love to you and the children, Iknow that God has made you srong and He will give you more strength as you need it. God Bless you and the children.

  7. My friend, I have walked this road and know the intense pain smd uncertainty. God is so tense and so faithful. We can trust our children to His capable hands. He will fill in the gaps where we fall short.

    • I love “He will fill in the gaps where we fall short” as I feel I am falling short in many places – again and again. I think I am most disturbed by the church’s response – those who are married (even divorced and remarried) have a place in the church. But, what about those who are single moms? newly divorced? It seems that’s a group that doesn’t fit. Did you find that?

      • I had a grate experience in the church. I did feel like I didn’t quite have a niche, but I came to learn much of that feeling was me, my own sense and loss of what I expected. There were some who didn’t understand, and I’m sure judged, but I had a fabulous support system that seemed to make those people fade away…truly, it just ceased to matter to me. I attended a single mothers class, but found more companionship in the general “couples” class where there were others who had children my age and we had already bonded. There were often friends who had husbands that worked on Sundays and I never sat alone. My ‘small group’ consisted of women from various ages and walks: one single (never married), several divorced (one single, others remarried), the rest married with or without children. As I lost so much of “me” in the marriage, I realized that in my core, I was still the person I intended: Christian woman, mother, doing my best to serve the Lord and raise happy, healthy children. It has been a long journey and driven me straight into the arms of Christ, creating dependence on Him like never before! Yes, my children will deal with issues because of this. However, if I thought I could “out-parent” their need for Christ, I was so wrong. This crisis in our family has highlighted our need and dependence on Him. When they face the inevitable losses, we will trust God to soothe and heal those wounds. He will fill the gaps. I’ve watched Him do it for several years now and I’m always amazed when He provides in ways I never expected!

        If you ever want to talk or just vent or be reminded that you are not alone, please reach out. Hugs to you. There is nothing easy about divorce, and yes God hates it like He does all sin. But the way He can bring good out of something so awful is a miracle that only His redemption can do. You won’t feel this way forever and there are little joys in the midst of the losses. Remember to take care of you.

  8. I love you so much, beautiful friend. I agree, it seems much easier to trust God with our own business then with our children in the midst of craziness. You already know he’s got you, through whatever may come. Our message at church this weekend was also about praising him in all circumstances. My pastor mentioned something interesting that I’ve never thought of before… He said there is a difference between praising God and giving him thanks. We don’t thank him for our difficult circumstances, but we praise him through them anyway, and that praise is just us taking our designated spot in the created order of things. Thank you for sharing your heart, I am praying for you and the kiddos every day!

    • Thanks, sweet friend. You are always faithful to love and pray. I am thankful for you:) I LOVE this change in perspective…”praise” vs. “thanks” – I can certainly praise Him while giving thanks seems impossible…thanks so much for sharing. LOVE YOU!

  9. I am humbled by your transparency. And more humbled by your dedication to God amidst suffering. Thank you for be open.

    • Thanks so much, Ali…I have had my moments of anger and word slinging for sure…certainly not proud of those moments, but they occur. Staying dedicated to God is a struggle because I am mad life didn’t turn out as I thought He wanted – or I wanted. But, I am definitely trying to stay close.

  10. Kristy James says:

    Sarah – I will be praying for you and your family. My heart is just broken for you all.

  11. If I believe He loves me and my children, why am I so scared? Why do I fear what my kiddos will become because they’re from a ‘broken’ home?

    A punch to the gut. Tears well in my eyes remembering this feeling. Let’s talk

  12. Thank you For sharing. I am right there too. God got me through the worst year of my Life but the new heartache of having to see my ex at games coaching our son. Having to see his girlfriend sitting with my inlaws, developing a relationship with my son. It is The new phase if pain And struggle

    • This is so hard – I’ve been there. Keep your chin up, your foundation in the Word and always be classy. Trust the relationship that you have with your sweet son and know that nothing can replace mom, no matter who else comes into his life.

    • I am praying for you, Suzette! It is hard…so hard.

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