Where Are You? {Not in a Good Place, But He Loves Me}

Right now…where are you?

Sitting at home?  at work?  In your car waiting for practice to end? Or at the doctor waiting for “the news”?

Longing for what was or might have been?  Delighting in the life you’ve been given or yearning for a new one?  Stuck between the two, waiting on change or new or better?

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Beth Moore ask me this question in my Bible Study this week:  Where are You?  And, I answered honestly in the margin…getting a divorce, no permanent residence, overweight, and living life up in the air.

Uncertainty.  Buckets and buckets of uncertainty.

(Side note:  I am a planner, so uncertainty is My.  Worst.  Enemy!)

Ugh.  Just reading that seems a bit hopeless – even to me.  I’ll admit: I live in a state of “getting through each day.”  A friend said to me that she’s noticed I don’t find much joy in life anymore. I go through the motions.  Get up, get ready, make breakfast, go to school, come home or to job #2, cook and clean, do laundry, finish the to-do list, and then to bed.

Sleep.  Repeat.

On weekends I catch up on the list and begin again…and if I am not able to “catch up”?  Heaven help my Monday.  I don’t like being behind.  I don’t like leftovers on the list.

But, then Beth told me…Just as God sought the fellowship of His first children in the garden, he chooses you.  Right here and now.  Whatever state you’re in. The God of the universe is seeking you.

Really?  Right now?  Whatever state I am in?  Yes.  Yes.  And yes.

I know this truth; I bet you do too.  But, something happens to us when we begin to struggle and perceive life is falling apart – or at least life as we’ve known it is crumbling.

My heart says, He loves me.

My head screams, FAILURE!

And while I have failed in some ways, that’s not the end of my story when God abides in me and I in Him.

The first question God asked Adam and Eve after they sinned in the garden:  Where are you? 

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”  Genesis 3: 6-9

[This is where I say to myself…oh, Lord.  Like you didn’t know where they were.  As IF we could every hide from you behind fig leaves and lies.]

After Adam explained and God cursed Adam, Eve, and their ancestors (us)…21 The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.

The innocent, blameless animal was killed and its blood shed to cover their mistake – their sin.

And thousands of years later, an innocent, blameless man was killed and his blood shed to cover my mistakes.  My ungratefulness.  My joyless living.  My obsession over all things certain.  My to-to list.  My desire to get even.  All my junk.

So, when my Creator speaks to my heart and asks, Where are you?  He’s asking me to stop and evaluate where I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  He’s calling on me to return to what I know instead of slipping into pity.  MOST of all…

He’s reminding me…I care.  I love you.  I am seeking you – wherever you are.  Whatever state you’re in.  No feelings of failure are too great for the Him.

Where are you? 

Struggling like me in the valley?  Or sitting high atop the mountain?

Regardless, He’s seeking you. I pray you’ll answer Him.  _________________________________________________________________________________

These are some of my favorite posts from the past few weeks.  I hope they help you to grow closer to Him – wherever you are:)

In Crooked Love, Angie Smith shares her internal dialogue that says, “No one really likes you.” This is for those who are standing in the middle of self-doubt and insecurity.

Yet in Our Weakness by Lindsee at Living Proof Ministries encourages us (as women) to unite, not divide.  To capitalize on one another’s strengths, not weaknesses.   Where are you today? Easily lifting up others, encouraging and applauding their gifts?   Jealous?  Insecure?  Pointing out flaws?  Jesus will meet you here too.

from the post:  Especially as social media continues to grow wider and bigger, we as a society, and we as women, do a really great job at pointing out one another’s weaknesses. It’s sad, really. We can go day in and day out and talk all about how this person or that person struggles with this or that and we never once mention the strengths the Lord has given them and the good they do. Without the fruit of self-control, our tongues are killing each other one by one and we’re okay to let it slide. If we were brutally honest, we could admit that it’s easier to talk about what one is lacking out of our jealousy, insecurity and pride rather than what one is thriving at. Not only does it make us feel better, but it allows us to keep our distance without getting called out. Ouch. But can you imagine what unity we might take back if we capitalized on each other’s strengths instead of weaknesses? 

The Things We Do for Love by Renee Swope:  Are you feeling unloved?  Unwanted?  Renee reminds us of God’s unconditional love:  Unconditional love? I didn’t know there was such a thing. Then God whispered into my soul: You’ll never find the love you long for in anyone or anything but Me. I AM the unconditional love you’re looking for.

In Why You Really Matter:  An Anthem for Women, Ann Voskamp shares an experience from the IF: Gathering and reminds us that we matter.

from the post: They were right next to me — all these women rejected for the size of their pants, the size of their house, the size of their family, the size of their callings, the size of their workWomen brushed off because they live too large or they live too small, because there is more of them than people know what to do with. Because they can’t or don’t or they won’t fit into someone else’s box…We are the women who are the real sisterhood: Girls can rival each other. But the Real Sisterhood of Women revive each other. Girls can empale each other. But the Real Sisterhood of Women empower each other. Girls can compare each other. But the Real Sisterhood of Women champion each other.

Where are you?  Rivaling or reviving? Empaling or empowering?  Comparing or championing?

Perhaps you’re ready for change, for a new beginning.  Ready to press into God in a new way.  In The Rebirth of Lent, Barbara Rainey begins to prepare our hearts for this season of sacrifice and renewal.   Henri Nouwen also has free Lent resources as you prepare for the season.  His free Lenten Book  Discussion begins March 5.

Much Love,

Comments

  1. Sarah,

    I have been in your shoes and I know how the uncertainty can steal security. You’re doing better than you think by remaining in the word, letting your feelings out, trusting God (even when you don’t understand) and by just surviving. Some seasons are for that. The joy will return – seek it down, revel in the small doses and soon you will see how The Lord is piecing more and more joy into your life.

    I want to remind you that you will not feel this way forever.

    Missy

    • Thanks so much, Missy…a much-need reminder:) I love “the Lord is piecing more and more joy into your life” – I shall move forward as one with hope!

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  1. […] Last week, I asked: Where am I?  Where are you? Longing for what was or might have been? Delighting in the life you’ve been given or yearning for a new one?  Stuck between the two, waiting on change or new or better? […]

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