To Healing {Because It Knows No Timetable} {Day 1 of 31 Days of Letters}

Dear Healing,

Since the first disruption of my marriage in 2007  – closely followed by my dad’s death in early 2008 –  we’ve played hide and seek.  I’ve hidden from you in anger and bitterness – and sought you in surrender and longing.

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I thought you’d be quicker.  I know you’re a process, but I’d think a few months {or years} would be enough.  Now, I am realizing that you can’t be boxed in.  You might come in three months, or it might take you three years – or longer.

You’re indefinable, unquantifiable.  And that causes anger and frustration in my heart.

I want ten steps to wholeness.  Ten steps to get over it and resume life as if nothing ever happened.  But, the truth is …no such list exists.  There’s no stamp with your name that can be smacked on each of us, letting others know….

You know that divorce I went through?  You know that loss I experienced?  You know that addiction I struggle with?  It’s over.  Done.  Affecting me no more.

I want to be able to say…

I am whole again, so you can stop filing me under “broken” in your brain as if I can’t function until I have “healed” {after all, we are all broken}.

Sure, there are steps to take and forward progress to be made – that’s part of you, healing.  But the date-stamped ending is elusive.  I look at others and think…well, they got through that unscathed and have moved on quite nicely.  And while I know I am moving on and pressing in and praying, my wholeness seems unreachable.

I hate it when I think I am done with you, and I hear someone discussing a certain topic or see the one who caused my hurt, and there I am again – if only for a day – wounds gaping.

How can this be?

I have been moving forward one step and decision at a time – one choice to live joyful and grateful at a time.

And above all,  I know your boss:  the Healer.

The one who took it all upon his shoulders, dying on my behalf.  I find you in Jesus.  I find you after admitting and surrendering my brokenness to Him.

Only the Healer can work to make me new.  To soothe old wounds and walk alongside me, creating new life.  To weaken reactions uprooted by seeing a person, hearing a story, or passing a place.  To live authentically without the pretense  – without trying to be someone I am not.

I am not sure I’ll be done with you this side of heaven, healing, but I will continue seeking my Healer because His wounds eliminate you. His wounds stamp you:  Done. Finished.  His wounds win.  And, there I rest as I walk alongside you another day. That you won’t be my companion forever because I know…it is finished.

Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted.  But he was pierced for our transgressions,he was crushed for our iniquities;the punishment that brought us peace was on him,and by his wounds,  we are healed.  We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isaiah 53: 4-6

Friend, what might you say to healing?  Hurry up?  I don’t care?  Or, maybe… let’s begin.  Perhaps you’ve not even sought the Healer or the process of healing because you’re too mad and bitter.   Somewhere {deep inside} your gaping wounds and deep sorrow are comfortable, for they’ve been your companion for a while, justifying your behavior, your anger, your unforgiveness.  Your woundedness gives you a free pass to a pity party that may be well-deserved. But, please, it’s not where you want to remain.  There IS joy and freedom in this life.  There IS no story too big or hard for Jesus.

I pray you’ll write to healing, introducing yourself – and to the Healer, asking Him:  Where do I begin?

I’d also so love for you to share with us what you need to say to healing.

Much love,

Comments

  1. I’m so grateful to know the Healer, too. I haven’t ever consider the personification of Healing the way you write here, and it makes so much sense. Truly, it is a present participle – a process in progress for our whole life, I think. Though each of us are wounded differently, we all need and crave the healing which drives us to our Healer.

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