To the Pro-Life Christian {Be Kind} {9 of 31 Days of Letters}

Yesterday, I shared a friend’s letter to her daughter – the daughter she aborted at age 16 after being raped.  The same friend wrote today’s letter.  I’d ask you to read To My Aborted Daughter before reading today. My heart – her heart – is understanding and grace.  Loving others.  Join us as we grow in grace together.

Screen Shot 2014-10-09 at 9.28.56 PM


Dear Pro-Life Christian,

I am not writing this to combat your convictions, but would you take a minute to look at the woman behind the story.

This is not about arguing the sanctity of life or when the fetus becomes a baby.  It is about stopping for a moment to consider the hurt in a woman’s heart that would bring her to such a choice.   This is never an easy or simple decision.  There is never a win-win choice.

Hurts, deep bleeding wounds cloud the choice to walk into a clinic.

Right now, there is an article floating around about a rape victim who chose to keep and raise her child.  I praise her courage and strength to speak out in a culture of secrets. However, would you take a moment and consider how your comments may cause another wound for a different rape victim who made a different choice?

Unintentionally, you praise one and condemn the other.

She cannot undo her decision to kill her child, but she now must live with two gaping wounds instead of one.  Please consider how your words may act as salt instead of  healing balm.

When these articles flood our newsfeed, great condemnation washes over us when we nonchalantly scroll through the daily postings.  In one simple moment of browsing, I find myself drowning in shame and guilt all over again.

I have to choose to fight for breath. Choose to reclaim the Truth.  Choose to live in grace.  Choose to grieve a stolen life all over again.

I know this is not your intention when sharing your convictions or posting article; however, consider us as you post article after article on your Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram about the great sin of abortion.   Please stop and consider 33% of women within their child-bearing years have had an abortion. That could possibly mean that out of your 150 female friends on Facebook, 49 may be suffering in silence – drowning in their own shame.

These are your grandmothers, mothers, aunts, sisters, daughters, and friends.  We have a name and a story, a deep wound.  Most of us know what we did was wrong; we live with our grief daily.

We want to fight for the unborn babies too, but would you consider a different way?  Would you be open to trying another platform? How about serving at a local crisis pregnancy center or doing a walk for life?

We want you to be passionate.  We need you to stand up for those babies, but we need you to stand up AND be sensitive to us lost and hurting women.

Women like me.  Will you consider me?


Most of us have “triggers” – those posts we read on social media or those stories we hear in church or on TV that make us cringe.  When I see posts or hear messages about marriage I cringe – as that superficial, surface, “laugh your way to a better marriage” advice didn’t “work” for me.

When it comes to triggers, I’ve had some tell me – get over it.  Be free from it, so there is no trigger.  I understand the heart behind such advice, but those walking through hard might not be there yet – and might not be for years.  (See To Healing)

So, when we decide to debate on social media, let’s be kind, loving one another.  Let’s be sensitive and give grace.  Let’s listen and understand.

Above all, let’s pray for those who live with such difficulty.  We serve a God of love and grace who meets each of us just where we are, so let’s strive to meet others just where they are with open arms.

{And if you’re a staunch supporter of any movement – Pro-Life Christians included – who already choose kindness and grace, thank you.  Truly, you’re making a difference simply by handling your convictions with humility and love. }

But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

Much Love,


  1. Angel Carpenter says:

    Again, I can so relate to this. This sweet sister who has been sharing her story is someone I would love to sit and talk with. Thank you!

    • You might get to meet her one day, Angel…and I can connect you with her as soon as I have her permission. You have much in common and might be a great support for one another.

  2. Thank you for sharing this, Sarah’s friend. xoxoxo And I agree, Sarah. I think all of us need to be sensitive about triggers. It’s so easy to post something without thinking of how it might affect someone. And we can’t hide behind “I’m just speaking truth.” We must speak the truth in love, and sometimes the loving thing to do is act (serving at crisis pregnancy center, helping a mom-to-be, etc) and not even open our mouths at all. xoxoxo

    • I understand “speaking truth” and it has a time and place – but I doubt that time and place is while hiding behind a screen and social media. I love the idea of acting- if I take issues with something, feeling convicted by it, then I need to seek ways of becoming part of the solution.

  3. Thank you for speaking for the multitude of women who feel condemned by choices made in the worst of circumstances. May we all be more aware and sensitive to them.

  4. I’ve been on the receiving end of many a careless comment, without anyone ever knowing that I was one of the 33%. I have triggers about this, although by God’s grace they are fewer and farther between these days.

    I’ve found that it is very easy to condemn and heap shame upon “those people,” when they don’t have a face or a name for us. Once they become the lady we sit next to in church or the co-worker we sit across from, they’re a little harder to just write off and lump into one big group of messed up souls. I want to be conscious of all the individually messed up souls just like mine. I want to give as much grace as I can.

    • Dear friend…that’s the blog I want to start…”those people” – giving a name and face to those who are stereotyped and grouped as if they belong in a herd, not the human race. May we never write off anyone and be ever conscious of all the “messed up souls”:) LOVE YOU!

Leave a Reply