Yesterday she sat on my lap, pulling my glasses off my face. Kissing me on the cheek. Saying “ma, ma, ma” and “no, no, no.” Showing me her index finger when I asked, “How old are you?” and clapping for herself when I said, “Yes, you are!”
And at one point, I looked in her big blue eyes and simply said, “Thank you, Jesus” for this healthy and lively one year old, sitting on my lap in the flesh. I can hardly remember that day one year ago when I took up residence in the hospital waiting room. On the labor and delivery floor. Praying…
Please, Lord, this is it. We are soooo close. Please protect Dawnna and her baby. I am begging.
That day Dawnna’s nurse was a high school friend, Shawna. (What are the chances?) And it was Shawna who burst through the door – still clad in scrubs – at a little after three in the afternoon, proclaiming, “She’s here and healthy!”
And she is.
Happy. Healthy. Here with us.
And God reminds me of the Israelites who so quickly forgot how God parted a sea for them as the Egyptians followed closely behind. In fact, they’d continue to “forget” and wander for 40 years as a result. One flip through God’s word, and we see it again and again….
We forget so easily. But God remains – always there – never forgetting us.
I’ve noticed that in this world when we “get what we desire” or when life “finally seems to work out,” we forget what He has done. When in the midst of suffering and dire circumstances, when there is no where else to turn, we ask for prayers and seek our Creator. But, the moment life appears “good” again – the moment we see the light at the end of the tunnel – our hearts seek him less and less.
Those who are healthy. Who have food on the table. Who have cars to drive and clean water to drink. Who have healthy children. Who have good jobs and plenty of clothing.
That is…me. And most likely you.
We don’t have to fall on our faces every morning and beg God for the day’s provision. To give us a child or to provide a day’s wages.
In fact, we are more likely to be complaining about the child’s behavior or neediness. To be wishing for a day off or a “better” quality food. To want bottled not tap water. A newer car, not our older one.
And while these are human and “normal,” my prayer today to my Father was and is…may I never forget. No, I never want to dwell in my past. In the moments of hurt. In the circumstances. I don’t want to daily remember my dad’s last breath or my sister’s devastating news. I do not want to dwell in divorce court either.
I want to remember. Not the circumstances, but my Father’s hand in my life. I don’t want to turn back and want what was lost, living in the past. But to look forward, equipped with lessons learned, remembering that I serve a God who is able.
I serve a God who goes before me, walks alongside me, and stands behind me.
He is in all and knows all.
May we never forget the Lord has brought us this far (1 Samuel 7:12). And have faith in knowing that He will bring us home. To completion.
Tomorrow as I sit beside my mom again in the WAITING room, waiting to meet Chloe, praying for a safe and easy birth for my sister, thanking God for the gift of a child…
I will silently be giving Chloe back to the one who gave her to us.
As you grow, Chloe, I pray we say of you: But Chloe, though she was only a girl, served the Lord. She grew up in God’s presence and grew in favor with the Lord and people. Yes, Chloe served the Lord. (1 Samuel)
Because as we each walk on this earth, searching for meaning and purpose. As we each wait for what will be and let go of what was not. As we wait upon the Lord to heal or take us home. As we wait on Him to open our womb or change our hearts.
As we wait.
There is only one thing…one thing that matters in the waiting and in the end. For Dawnna and Casey. For Chloe.
They served the Lord.
Lord, may we serve you as we wait. May we serve you as we look back and look forward. May we truly understand that you placed us – placed Chloe – upon this earth for ONE purpose: To love and glorify you.
May be grow in the grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 3:18).