A Grace Place {Welcome Weariness, Worry, Wavering, and Wonder}

I’ve been absent from this space for a few months.

I could give you reason after reason…I’m busy; I’m redefining my purpose; I’m redesigning this space; the experts tell me I need a niche, and I don’t have one; I don’t want to add to the noise that is “the Internet.” So many (all true) reasons.

But, when I dig deeper, I know these aren’t the REAL reasons.

The truth is…

Words won’t come.

In the past, I’ve been in Walmart, and the idea for a post comes from nowhere, pouring through my fingers as quickly as they’ll move.

Or at the park. Or at school. Or driving in the car. The Spirit said write, and I wrote.

So, I wonder why the words disappeared. Why I don’t feel His nudges. It’s like losing a piece of my person when I am not writing.

Have you ever felt that? You know God is “out there,” but He doesn’t feel personal to you? Perhaps you’ve just found Jesus, and you’re looking around at other followers thinking…Am I supposed to feel that? Be like that? Or maybe you’re like me. You’ve followed him for years, known His presence. And now you feel he’s distant, quiet.

It’s scary, huh? We know he will never leave us or forsake us. We know we are loved.

Right?

But, the doubt creeps in. We look at our lives and begin to think…I am not good enough. Why would He use a sinner like me to share His heart? He’s gone quiet because I am not who He thinks I should be. On bended knee, we ask Him if this is true.  Have the words gone because I am no longer worthy of them? And if I’m not, why? What is “the thing” that’s keeping us distant, Lord?

Or perhaps I’ve gotten too caught up in all the rules and regulations of writing. When you’re in writing groups and when you’re taking writing courses, the weight of the world rests on your words (or so it seems). Platforms and word counts and book ideas swirl from the writer/blogging Facebook groups as I look on thinking…I just want to write words that encourage the hearts of those who visit my space. I just want to take the gift of writing and serve others with words and prayers.

I am not looking for a “grand” platform, but a grace place.  A space on the web that accepts and welcomes readers and conversations. A safe place to share and pray. A place where there’s no outsider; no one too sinful (aren’t we all?) or too “far gone.” A URL filled with grace and truth.  A place where doubt is welcome and acceptance apparent.

GRACE PLACE

As Paul said when writing to the church in Rome:

For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you— that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine. (ESV)

For I long to visit you so I can bring you some spiritual gift that will help you grow strong in the Lord. When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours. (NLT)

I so want to be there to deliver God’s gift in person and watch you grow stronger right before my eyes! But don’t think I’m not expecting to get something out of this, too! You have as much to give me as I do to you. (MSG)

That’s how I feel. I may never know you in person, but I want to love and serve you well, reader, friend. And I want to learn from you too!

And if you’re not a Jesus follower, I hope you’ll stick around and read. We have much to learn from you too.

I welcome your weariness, worry, wavering, and wonder.

And I pray that the words are back. I’ve missed them.

 

Comments

  1. I too, have had times when I thought where are you God? I love to feel the Holy Spirit, and when that dry spell comes I think what’s wrong God? what have I done not to feel the Spirit moving. I start searching for answers, because I am not
    happy being without you, God. I know He’s not gone, that maybe I need to pray more and be in His Word more. He has His ways of getting our attention. Dry spells teaches us to be more in tune with God and less stressing about other things.

    • Thanks for these words of wisdom, Drema. I think that’s so true…we seek Him, become more in tune with Him, “quit” all the noise, and pray. He will come back.

  2. Samantha says:

    This is me. The quiet of the spirit is so like ringing of your ears when the world is too quiet. But it’s worse because you feel it through your soul, and there’s no sound that will fix it. After hearing God speak about so many things in my life, there’s been such a long period that I haven’t heard anything. I know it’s because I moved, God didn’t. So I just need to figure my way back.

    • Samantha…I am praying for your way back. I know this feeling. I begin to wonder…is it sin, Lord? Am I doing something against you? Is it my study time? or do I need a journal? Or maybe I am not living in community? I’ve pondered each one, begging to hear Him again. And I have no answers…just keep seeking and praying.

  3. I’m in a similar place and will return to yours. After years of writing, my words changed and have all but disappeared. I’ve followed the rules and the breadcrumbs of big promises to be left empty – not just of the words, but my passion. So, I’m saying a prayer today for you and me!

    • Oh, Joy. I pray you sweep aside big promises and simply share your heart again. Words change as people change. They become a bigger and bigger risk. But, I am finding that the world needs our art. And the world that needs yours may not be the one that needs mine. I am SURE there are readers who miss your words – your voice. I pray you find it!

  4. I’m grateful for your honesty here. I’ve been more absent than present on my blog for months now, ironically since attending the Hope*Writer workshop last fall and realizing God was calling me to something new. I like how you said you want to build a grace place. I think I do, too. 🙂

    • Thanks, Mary. I love your words – your devotionals. Here’s what happened to me…I have gone to She Speaks for two years. I also did 90-Day Direction and Create+Complete. I love learning. I loved the courses and felt them of value. But. They paralyzed me. Sometimes I write about divorce. Or being a single mom. Or what I am learning. Or??? Suddenly, the writing I felt God calling me to became about niche and audience and all the things. I would sit down to write and think…who is this for? Is she my audience? Who is my audience? Then, oh, forget it. I am all over the map and not following the rules. But, I missed writing. I missed my little audience who reads just about any random thing I post. I missed serving those who follow…truly trying to share something that will help them on their faith journey. So, I just said – forget it. I will be faithful right here. I may never make money or build the numbers the world demands, but I will be me and love my reader. I pray you find words too…

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